By Bhumi Bhandari ‘
My husband’s death has left me destitute and forbidden me to live life normally’, Maya aged 16 was profusely sobbing while relating her story. I was touched be her real life incident, which I have to write. Unconsciously the balls of my eyes became wet. Maya lost her husband when she was just sixteen. One night Maya has a dream that the boundary wall of her house had collapsed.
She could not sleep the whole night as she tossed with gear and apprehension. After few days, she got the news that has husband was killed in Pyuthan. The celebration of the ‘Teej’ festival was round the corner but there was no sign of smile on Maya’s face. ‘Widows don’t celebrate Teej festival but I loved to dance in Teej wearing red sari’, she said.
Teej festival is celebrated in the Hindu society, particularly in Nepal. All the married women including girls who have attained puberty take part in this festival. The motivation for married women is that it brings prosperity and long life to their husband and for the unmarried a suitable husband, they wear sari, tika, bangles and fast to celebrate the festival. Maya looked very sad with the thought that being a widow she is not allowed by the society to wear red sari, tika and dance in Teej. She started to weep in the memories of her husband. Respect and praise arose in my mind for Saathi Banke.
As per the old school of thought, where society snatches away the happiness of the widows, but Saathi knows how to provide happiness to them. As the President of Saathi Banke, has a firm belief that we need to welcome the new traditions rather than relinquish it with negative role. Our responsibility is to encourage widows to dance on the occasion of ‘Teej’ with red tika, sari and bangles and look forward to a new beginning. This will be a good change in favor of the widows who wants better life to look forward. I looked for aspirations and tranquility in the face of Maya. Like Maya, there were other widows taking training in Saathi who looked forward to celebrate the ‘Teej’ festival.
Though at the beginning the women were little apprehensive that the society may not accept the change but they gained courage by the support of Saathi members. Finally, more than hundred single women gathered in Saathi to celebrate Teej in September 17, they looked very enthusiastic. Whole day was spent watching them dancing and hearing their conversation. I was touched by this inspiring move taken by Saathi Banke. The next day, I entered the office of Saathi. Conversation about the article written by one of the local journalist was being discussed. The article criticized and accused Saathi for trying to breaking the Hindu tradition by allowing the widows to wear red clothes and celebrate ‘Teej’. Being a journalist myself, I tried to protect the writer, But before my words came out of my lips, five women suppressed my voice.
The voice of Sarita was clearly audible in that crowd. She said -’We warp the newly born child with red cloth on its birth, red clothes are worn by the child on the occasion of ‘Pasni’, red tika and bangles are worn on special occasions red is regarded s auspicious color in al the Hindu ceremonies. Red is the favorite color in al celebrations. So why should, widows not be allowed to wear red color after the death of the husband. The women convinced me and also requested that all the journalists should encourage this move. Society compels widows to wear white sari so that it may become easy to black spots on it. Wearing a white sari they are victimized again by the society.
It is the internal desire of mind that seeks change. But the complex question is, ‘if the women themselves want to dance at Teej wearing bangles and red sari, why to put boundaries in it? Why not to permit change? Why to harass women on the prefix of social rituals and restrictions? Why should we not bring a change in our thinking?
Bhumi Bhandari, published in Faces of Women in Conflict by SAATHI, IEDI and SNV Nepal, 2004
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